ARGH, LAST DAY BEFORE MOUNTING AND MY PRINTER CRASHED ON ME, WTF..... what am i to do now?.... I dont know I dont know..... i have tons to get ready for... do i make manual copies? for 150 pages? in 5 hours?.... is there a 24hour printing shop i can go? haiz, why must these things happen at such moments, always such delicate moments i swear i cant live properly...

maybe i'll focus on financials? tax will burn me dry if i dont study for this shit. I need a backup plan for tax, a strong one. i think i'll resort to manual copying if i really cant, i have no choice at this moment. i really dont have any

{ 1:21 AM }
let's fly across the blue sky

haiz, recently, to me, it felt like I was on a rocking ship moving aimless on uncharted seas.... its like i was pushed from the main shores of education to the open world, where is is no united aim and everyone's on their own, making their own little goals and inching to their dreams. But... where's mine? that was on my mind for so so long but never do i ever found it... not even once...

Its like, what is there to look out for? what to dream for? im totally clueless. when i pick up my books and notes, i tell myself, "hey, its for my future" but no one else is doing any studying around me, nor doing anything to improve their life skills. so... why am i doing this? WHY WHY???

If i had a girl i want to work hard for, ok. If i had a reason why i have to work so hard, then ok. but, WHAT??? WHAT??? WHAT IS THE AIM OF MINE? I swear i can just die right now, and i wouldnt even regret cos i had nothing to regret from in the first place. Everything in my life i wanted to try. i tried. Work, i worked. Play, i played. what else left.... what else ....

I used to thought maybe, at least with shushen, my life arnt that bad, hanging with a nice looking girl that just accepts whatever i pour to her... Like, love, dislike, hate, complains, anything and everything. but i realised she's... just too open, to everyone or maybe too many guys interested in her and she just allows others to enter into her life and pay for stuff she cant pay for?

But, even though it seems like im happy with you, im not. im just contented by heart that at least some one enjoys my company. heck, i think you enjoy my treats more. its like so oblivious la when you ask from me so much but since when you actually do something unique, just for me. LIKE JUST FOR ME FOR ONCE? those cotton on shirts you use when you forget about my birthdays... its just...too much la.

Is it really so much? so much as to just ask for someone to really really just care about me cos i meant something in their life?

I know family's there. but its only a temporally moment. One day my parents will turn to ashes, siblings married then how? i know i sound selfish but yes. I M SELFISH! I WANT SOMEONE WITH ME FOR LIFE!

If only i was just a dumb ass and just live like im a kid everyday but i just cant.... i want developments, i crave movement and not this stuck state of hope.

All i really one is someone that laughs with me without me ever needing to think, hugs and kisses everyday, i dont care how would she look like really, plain normal girl thats all i ask.. that i can just dump all my hopes and dreams, love with all my life and she could do that to me too.

Well, im already 21 now, too old for almost everything my peers are doing really. Hopefully i can really clear my mind and work on studying for the upcoming exams im not yet confident of passing at all. If only someone can just care so much as to walk up to me and hug me tight, tell me all this can be cleared with time, and believe in me, just believe in me hard.

I need an angel.

{ 1:22 AM }
let's fly across the blue sky