Zzz... I forgot to post about my OA...lol...whats OA you might ask...its a red cross course....OA refers to Outdoor Activies ....ya...so what does it do with me?...I went there ofcouse .... anyway ... its quite a good camp but Alas...its my last camp before my big "O"s...sian....anyway...after the camp...i feel ENERGIZED!!!!...finally gotten time to get away from life... really...its been bored this days ...no fun no nothing...all work and no play makes wen jun dumb...lol...ok la...i now i is all play and no work makes wen jun clever....lol...not really true but still ok la...i started to neglad lots of things this days...no mood in everything...thank goodness still can go for exams....sian man...energized also lose in all by today's maths paper....so freaking hard sia...sian...I wonder...can i get to go more camps so that i can get away from life?....seriously, you people in my life really have treated me well...really...its me and myself that is totally complaining...you guys (and girls) have been a force that pushes me forward....life...sometimes it makes people wonder is it a curse or a blessing...i think maybe my eq dropped to 0 cause i don't really feel like human...i cause people that care for me troubles...i landed myself in such a state that i m a walking trash...i m a jinx...i try to care for people yet it turns into something that harms them....everyone that i try to be good with will have something bad that happens to them...
if only i can have a restart button...cos i regret all the time i waste on games...should have used it for learning new things....i think i will stay low for awhile...try and just do nothing...so if i innored anyone of you...please forgive me...

{ 9:52 PM }
let's fly across the blue sky

{ 4:15 PM }
let's fly across the blue sky

this few days i really dont know whats right and whats wrong anymore...everything i do this days doesnt seems to work....everything lacks of spirt and soul being placed in...countless times i hurt you, over and over again....till this point that you have been very strong to withstand all nonsense i made.... everything i say and do, i know it hurts.... all my bad points seems to grow into giants while all good points that i ever had became ants...what got into me....i dont know....i dont know what i want anymore....i know you like the old me...that one that showers concern and love to you every single time i meet you....i just dont understand how i become so bastard...treating you like shit....i really dont know why...you are right...i am scared of things around me...i know that i have no right to treat you so bad...i really dont know...i know that i cannot place my sadness into you, i know that you are going though huge stress... i had seen you being scolded for wearing the neckence i gave you...i have seen you being scolded for geting too close with me yet i did nothing....i feel like a small mouse, hideing in the shadows, only being able to look at you from afar, yet powerless to do anything...i know the moment i rise fomr the shadows, even bigger problems will surface, having you in such cases i really dont know what to do, being that i want you yet i really dont know what to do....i need to learn how to treat you better, i need to continue seeing that bright smile to move on in my life...i need to feel yet control my feelings for you so that you will not get hurted anymore...i understand the things for me to do.....i need to take that big step ...i know i cant afford to lose you....but till i dont understand...what the hell is wrong with me....you dont sense my heart...i can't feel it too...it seems that i had lost all confinence to move...i know that this might take alot from you but i need your surpport...i know you had been giving me lots of it but i need more....i need an aim...a need a reason to live....i need to pass though this stupid brain of mine and srive... I KNOW I CAN DO IT!

{ 6:58 PM }
let's fly across the blue sky

well...i going off again!~~..(YES!!!!).....ok......anyway ya...i going off to m'sia tmr...i will be going for 4 days so i will be back on tusday...btw...i'm sorry for any missing of meetings of project or anything like that....sorry...this will be my last overseas trip before the big "O"s .....haiz...will anyone miss me?...haha...i guess not..lol....anyway...these days....lots of my friends gave me concern on my sickness and i really need to thank all of you for that...really....without much peer surport...i can never go on this trip....thanks well although i need to rush ALL my homework when i get back but i guess its still ok....anyway.. i got to go now....haven even finish packing up and look at the bloody time now....zzz....so...To everyone.....have a nice hoilday and rmb to do all your homework!....lol....bye now

{ 9:57 PM }
let's fly across the blue sky

I decided not to post part two as i had forgotten clean about the whole thing....this few days are few of the saddest days of my life...i cant even control my life...it seems that my unconscious self had took over my whole body....there is no life and no attitude in everything i do....i had never slept in class but then just a few days ago...i slept in miss Siao's class...well...eyes close and open slowly and energyless....p.c. saw the whole thing ....lol...felt saying sorry to miss Siao as i slept in her class....miss Siao, sorry...anyway...it seems that nothing really cheer me up anymore...my heart frosted up in doing anything....i don't know what i want in life at all...i only wish that life would just stop for me....stop for me just to rest and for me to catch up with it's pace....but then...i know that i can never feel that way....cos no matter where i go ...there is always people.......Some might ask me "what about just staying in your room" ....but then...what the hell can i do with only two walls in my room and only having two stupid curtains as "walls"....that means...i have two stone walls and two "wall"s....there isn't a single place where i can just vent everything at...i m tired....tired of life and everything...

{ 10:29 AM }
let's fly across the blue sky